Lost and found

2008-11-09T00:23:00.000-08:00

WA LAO I'm so siannnnnns that the magnitude of my sian-ness ceased being able to be quantified by words.

Is really...really...very...sian...can...

Why oh why did I have 2 take dis mod dis sem when dere's practical exams...

WHY!

WA LAO I'm so scared of prac normally still giv me exams....AHHHHHHHHHHHH

=)

2008-11-03T08:08:00.000-08:00

On days like this
I can only say
It's really great to be alive, to be breathing, to just feel the wind caressing my face.
I feel hopeful.
And peaceful.
Life is great, it really is.

突然好想你 --- 五月天

2008-11-03T07:58:00.000-08:00

最怕空气突然安静最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛著不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息

想念如果会有声音不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今终于让自己属于我自己
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己

突然好想你你会在哪里过得快乐或委屈
突然好想你突然锋利的回忆突然模糊的眼睛

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲变成两部悲伤的电影
为什么你带我走过最难忘的旅行
然后留下最痛的纪念品

我们那么甜那么美那么相信
那么疯那么热烈的曾经
为何我们还是要奔向各自的幸福和遗憾中老去

突然好想你你会在哪里过得快乐或委屈
突然好想你突然锋利的回忆突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空气突然安静最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛著不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息

最怕此生已经决心自己过没有你
却又突然听到你的消息

The perfect moment.

2008-10-27T10:27:00.000-07:00

Went out wif lzj 2day 2 study n 2 chill=)
It really brings back alot of memories...
Tcc at citylink is just so great...it's wonderful how we can be sitting outside yet feel so detached from the crowds passing us by
Like a magical world of our own. In the perfect moment.
I really wished I could freeze the picture, and save it from the funny tricks of time.
It's hard for me to put all e sch crap behind, but sumhow hanging out wif lzj n reminiscing abt e old jc days over a gd cup of coffee works like a stress eraser.
And it's amazing how we can tok abt e same things over n over again n still find dem hilarious each time.
Feels like taking out pieces of memories from the common treasure box we have and polishing them from time to time. Each time we polish, there is a different shine.
I really feel so blessed to have sum1 lyk lzj tt I can b so comfortable with!
I love lzj! I love tcc! I love NJ03S27! (Except maybe..chew? OOPS!)

你不是真正的快乐 --- 五月天

2008-10-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

人群中哭著你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了你已经决定了
你静静忍著紧紧把昨天在拳心握著
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人了
越是在手心留下
密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
这世界笑了於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
於是你含著眼泪
飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走著
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔著银河
难道就真的抱著遗憾一直到老了然后才后悔著
你值得真正的快乐
你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什麼失去了还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤全部
结束在此刻重新开始活著

The only thing that can't be used up in the world

2008-10-24T11:02:00.000-07:00

These days, it's so easy to be happy it's starting to scare me a little.
I feel so at peace I'm starting to feel guilty.
Like I don't really deserve all this.
Like too much of a good thing.
Sometimes I catch myself wondering
what if I use up all my happiness?

And it suddenly hit me
that in a world where all good things come to an end --- life, a bottle of good wine, a box of sinful chocs...
There's something that's infinte.
Happiness.
It's everywhere, and available to everyone
Only if you're willing to slow down for it to catch up with you.

To use and be used

2008-10-24T10:38:00.000-07:00

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you

This is a standard most of us probably live our lives by.

Our actions are defined by our belief in kharma, in retribution and that good begets good.

And many times, because of this mindset, good deeds result. We give up our seats to those who need it more, we buy tissue paper from elderly or disabled people at MRTs and we drop pennies into the tin cans of students doing Flag Day.

Alot of times, I think we do alot of these things because we hope to benefit from it. The ease of guilt, the feeling of superiority that we are in a position to help people, the belief that those who give are more fortunate and happier than those who receive.

Is this tantamount to using the people we "help"?

Maybe the result is all that matters. That someone who needs help gets it. But what about the motive behind our helping hands? Is it justified just because it's a win-win situation?

Maybe I'm living in my own ivory tower. People who need our help are probably in no position to refuse our help. And we can just continue helping people because it makes us feel better. It probably doesn't make any difference at all.

But why does it feels so wrong?

Why do we give because it's better to do so than to receive?

Why can't we help because we simply want someone else to be better?

Why do "me" always have to come into the picture, even when lending a helping hand?

Perhaps this is just how the world works. To use and be used.

One of the many ironies of life

2008-10-19T01:40:00.000-07:00

It's funny how we always get mad so easily with the people we care about the most.

It's always easier to throw tantrums at them.

And somehow their any mintue mistakes they made just seems to amplify under our own selective microscope.

Maybe it's because we trust that whatever we do or say to them,no matter how hurtful or harsh, would always be forgiven.

But isn't it ironic? How we vent our frustrations on the ones we loved, then gear up with the sweetest smile we can ever muster to strangers who probably won't give a damn about us.

It's like someone giving you his/her heart unconditionally and you taking a knife and stabbing it relentlessly. And for those who refuse to let you even see his/her heart, you worship him/her and have no qualms about kissing his/her feet.

For a species who often complain about how unfair the world is, maybe it's time to start the change with ourselves.

Useless gems

2008-10-17T06:14:00.000-07:00

When I was growing up (I still am), my mum always asked me questions which began with "What's the use...?"

Me in kindergarten: Mummy, are there really ghosts in this world? Did Grandpa became one too?

Mum: What's the use of thinking about all this? Have you finished your homework?

Me in primary school: Mummy! I was selected for the dance performance! First row! Centre postion!

Mum: What's the use of dancing well? Why don't you put more effort in your studies instead?

Me in secondary school: Mummy, I don't know what I want I to be in the future.

Mum: What's the use of thinking so far ahead when you haven't even prepared for your test tomorrow?

What's the use what's the use what's the use.

If there's anything I learnt over the past 22 years, it's that the things that truly matter are those that are often "useless".

Can love fill an empty stomach? It can't.
Can love make me ace my tests? Most probably not.
Can love land me the job I truly covet? Not unless the boss falls in love with me.

Love has no apparent use, then.

But when things get rough, and everything just seems so hopeless and futile, it's something "useless" like love that gets me through.

On top of love, there are also other not-useful things I hold dear ---happiness, honesty, justice, knowledge, hope and dreams --- these are the true gems of life. These are the things that are really worth pursuing.

Of course, the world LOVES to tell us otherwise. But ironically, that same world which puts grades and success above all these gems secretly covets them the most.

And that's when the most precious gem comes in --- the courage and strength to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it.

It's easy to forget it when the opposing currents are strong. But remember, life was never meant to be used. It's meant to be lived.

Because

2008-09-26T12:25:00.000-07:00

Because it's a brand new phase of my life
Because I'm starting on a clean slate
Because I finally took my baby step towards my dreams
Because I know what it means to be peaceful the 1st time in 21 years
Because Himself is always there for me

I've decided to start a new blog=)

I won't be updating the old blog I guess

But I won't be removing it either

Because the past is still a part of me. It remains.